雨夜中，水在挡风玻璃上，一次次的被雨刮刷掉，又落下来，都市的霓虹化成氤氲。多熟悉的场景，就像Taxi Driver中一样。南京这样的逼天已经连绵的许多日子。晚饭时，我和妈妈抱怨。我妈说，农民兄弟很高兴。我顿时觉得自己很浅薄。感冒的时候，头晕晕的。让这场小病，像这雨一样，洗刷下自己的心里。脏东西多，人就不会快乐。

续：我在机场去大连的途中被滞留，还是因为这天气。我躺在椅子上，已经睡去。一个聒噪的孩子，将我拍醒，问我是不是去天津的，之后他就没有消停过，开始被毛泽东的长征组诗，音调抑扬顿挫，声情并茂。还时不时的讲了一两个铺垫良久，却毫无笑点的冷段子。我好想抽死他。看到他，我顿时发现新东方老师的劣根性，我保证我上课再不罗里罗嗦的讲段子，我纯讲知识，讲完老子就消失，多一句屁话都没有。我小时和这个小男孩一样的傻逼，我父母也很喜欢带我到处旅行。我终于知道当时为什么周围的旅客会恶狠狠的看着我。我承认说话很多，真的很贱。

最近自我反省的很多，说明我在进步，谢谢大家关心，我过的很好。尤其谢谢我的最最最亲爱的絮姐。末了，我怎么也得写句英文好好的赞美您一下：中国古人云，仕女者，以花为容，以月为气，以诗养心。您全都有了。For beauty, the forever-lasting beauty, brewed carefully with the distill of flowers and blossoms, tempered thoroughly by the coldness and unshowy elegance of the moon, delicately cultivated with the poetry and verses, you deserve and are in the possession of them all.

另续：感冒做飞机是耳朵很不舒服。大连的酒店这次住的不错，厕所的马桶是可以喷水洗屁股的，老享受了。打算以后买一个，天天喷，哦哦哦。大连见到了老马，觉得哥哥他太不容易了。相比之下我的困难算个毛。还看到了王云，风骚依旧。据说新东方要降薪，看来是真的了。见到了瑞清姐姐，依然靓丽。

南京最近的天气很糟糕，一直下雨，淋漓不断。昨儿见了思晴，天儿没有见好。估计是某人的人品出现巨大问题，手机来了南京都会丢掉。最近饭局很多，不是我请别人，就是别人请我。抽不开身。饭局的相同之处在于，皆有美女参加，并且都是要做什么人生规划。我顿时觉得徐小平是一个很幸福的人。还是昨儿，发现自己感冒了，主要是周五去泡温泉着了凉，年纪大，肾虚，身子骨不行了。剩下的事儿就是看看书，最近看书还是挺多的。做几个推荐。

River Town, 是一个老外去四川涪陵教书的故事。作者是一个oxford的文学硕士，文字很可爱，别人在书后的评价是unshowy elegance. 文章当中有一段是写他在师范学校教英国文学的桥段。我摘一段：

The late-autumn mists fell over White Flat Mountain and the classrooms grew colder. They weren’t heated—few public buildings in Fuling were—and finally i took to closing the door when I taught. The students started wearing coats, scarves, gloves; their fingers swelled with chiblains and their ears turned red. I could see their breath in the cold crowded room. We read Swift, Wordsworth, Byron. The verses resounded with sweet regularity as we recited them aloud—iambic puffs of steam rising toward the ceiling. Outside, the unmetered wind blew hard from the Yangtze. Beneath their desks the students stamped their feet in the cold.

A few days earlier, when they had been preparing the play, I had noticed one boy standing apart from his group. His English name was Silence Hill. “I am always silent,” he had explained back in September, when I first asked him about his name. But he wrote beautifully, a thoughtful young man from a village of 250 people, and he always had a soft smile on his worn face. On the day that I noticed him standing alone, he was smiling and staring fixedly at the text of the play. I asked him what was looking at, and without a word he pointed at two of Juliet’s lines:

My only love, sprung from my only hate!

Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

“Do you understand what that means?” I asked, thinking he had a question.

“Yes,” he said, “I think it’s very beautiful.”

I paused and looked at the lines again.

"I think you are right,” I said, and for a moment neither of us said anything. Together Silence Hill and I stood there looking at the poetry.

我一直认为好的句子和用什么词没有关系，和自我的对于生活的感受才是一体的。

第二本书是从学生手里掳来的，Sky Burial，看了两页也写的不错。等小朋友先读，我再借过来看看。

然后又看了曾国藩的语录，梁启超编的，有些话的确有见地

忍耐冷苦劳闲：不为大府所器重，则耐冷为要；薪米时或迫窘，则耐苦为要；听鼓不胜其烦，酬应不胜其扰，则耐劳为要；与我辈或以声气得利，在我后者或以干请得荣，则耐闲为要。

练勇之道，必须营官昼夜从事，乃可渐几于熟，如鸡孵卵，如炉炼丹。未宜须臾稍离。

苍苍者究竟未知若何，吾辈竭力为之，成败不复计耳

急于求效，杂以浮情客气，则或泰山当前而克不见。以瓦注者巧，以钩注者惮，以黄金注者昏。外重而内轻，其为弊也久矣

天气不好，身体不好，心情不好，唯有读书。看到胡兰成当时一笔小字：好天气谁给题名。顿时，至少，心情好了些许。

3月11日前后去北京，众兄弟姐妹，接驾

Life is full of inescapable melancholy, twisting and tortured between the happy moments too fleeting to grip and lamenting periods too perpetual to shun.

I do not know whether or not the beauteous things that heaven bears only linger in the non-existed world beyond my reach, or perhaps, the transcendence triggers all the longing and regret from me. Once I hold, I lose it, for it continuously extends to my farthest reach of horizon and penetrates, like the quicksand, through my fingers. They say love is undying, at least in the writing of Love in the Time of Cholera.

I clearly remember the gloomy afternoons stuffing in the suffocating tiny classroom where 20 students were whipped and scolded and condemned by Bob Riggle. He assigned us to read masterpieces ranging from Marques to Rushdie. No answers could satisfy or pacify his angst against our stupidity and ignorance. His life, even with dual Ph.Ds from Harvard and Oxford, was scattered by the fragments in the minds of his disciples. He has a platonic wife that he never met for nine years, and he combed a hippies hair, and he was doomed to go to hell. But, I do think he wished his destiny to be so, for he has known that for sure life, or living, is nothing but sheer suffering in the sweltering hell.

Years later, I am right sitting in my cubic jotting words on my keyboard with a Marlboro unlit in my lips, having read few chapters of Marques. The air is dirty with the murmuring of the air-conditioners. I think I am burning with fire. So fuck you my life, and not the other way round!

寒假昨天胜利结束，总共25天内上课78节。My mind is willing but my flesh is weak. 活着出来的结果是，我2月15日再来三节课，不要让我活着走路，我死给你们看，哈哈哈哈